We must end fat shaming!

Lets talk about fat shaming. 

  Fat, heifer, cow, husky, chunky, chubby, plus size, large, etc... These are names that I have been called (sometimes I called myself those names!) This must stop. Not everyone is a smaller size. We are all not the same. Many of us obese (I hate that word!) people, have such negative views of ourselves because everywhere we look we seen skinner. We compare ourselves to the next heavy person near us and think "Do I look that big?" or "I would die if I was that big." I will bet that most larger people have tried almost if not every diet out there. I know I have. Weight Watchers, Keto, Atkins, Mediterranean, Nutra System, High fat, low fat, no fat, and the list goes on. These companies make a killing on the backs of chubby people. 

( https://asmbs.org/resources/estimate-of-bariatric-surgery-numbers ) Look at the above chart. Every year the number of people choosing gastric by pass has increased. These are people who took a healthy stomach and cut it, made it smaller or done something to it to prevent them from eating. Most likely because they felt insecure, hated being fat, didn't think they had any option. It is sad.  Gastric bypass costs about $23,000 where as a lap band costs about $15,000.

 I bring this up because I had an incident with a new doctor. I saw her twice and I will never see her again. She could not get passed my weight. (To make matters worse the scale could not weigh me correctly because the numbers didn't go that high.) I was so embarrassed.  First words out of her mouth after introducing herself were "Have you thought of weight loss surgery?" FIRST WORDS!!!! I told her no. I told her that in 7 months time I had lost almost 50 pounds. She said "Why don't you think about the surgery." I informed her that I knew people that did it and a lot of them gained their weight back and that weight brought friends. This still didn't satisfy her. She had me do some labs - non fasting. Since I am a glutton for punishment I did the labs and went 2 weeks later. **SIGH** Guess what. She asked me if I had thought about the surgery, again. She was shocked that my blood work was in normal levels, my cholesterol a little high ( I was eating a keto diet and that can happen.) No suggestions on diet, or weight loss, or exercise. She was stuck on me getting this surgery. I left her office in tears. I was embarrassed and heartbroken because it felt all the hard work I had done the previous 7 months meant nothing. 

So I did better. I got a new doctor. I met my new doctor last week. I love her. She congratulated me on my weight loss said it was something to be proud of. She was mortified of last doctors comments. Of course she had to weigh me. So off came the glasses, pockets emptied out, shoes off. Same type of nasty nasty scale. This time however, it was able to register my weight. I had lost over 50 pounds in a year. 

I don't know if Doctor A knew how hurtful her comments were, if she was trying a scare tactic or she was just a nasty unhappy person but in a way she helped me. Helped me realize that I need to stand up for myself. I need to stop looking at myself as a fat person and start looking at myself as A PERSON. 

Every day it is hard. I can't go into a regular store just yet to buy Women's sized clothes (ya know the PLUS section that is usually ugly out of style baggy clothing - because that is how all fat people want to dress. I mean hey, just send me to Omar the tent maker!) 

People don't realize that a larger person can be large and healthy or that a skinny person can be skinny and sick. 

High school in Ewa Beach, HI approx 110 lbs

                                           Feb/March  2021 between 300 but less than 400 lbs

I have struggled with my weight all of my adult life. After each of my two children I gained weight. I got a divorce, gained weight. I was in a very verbally and emotionally (sometimes physical) abusive relationship for 10 years. Guess what, I gained weight. I moved away from family. Yup, you guessed it I gained weight. In the 11 years I have been married I have gained over 200 hundred pounds - lost some, gained some back. It is a viscous cycle. 

I eat when I am: 

     Happy

     Depressed

     Lonely

     Bored

     On Vacation

     Watching TV 

     Playing video games

     Working

     Studying

     etc.... 

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Guess what, I see the numbers on the scale or I have experiences with people like Doctor A and I eat. Which causes me to gain weight. Which depresses me. Which causes me to eat. Which causes me to gain weight.... See where this is going. It is a viscous cycle. 

I am a food addict. When we see drug addicts we want to help them. Alcoholics we want to help them too. But a food addict, society makes fun of. Call them names "Hey Shamu, Sea World called. They want you back." I had a previous co-worker who would not sit next to me during a meeting because (her words) "She has a fat ass." I tried to play it off like it didn't hurt but inside I was breaking. I was ugly crying and embarrassed. Yes, my ass may hang over the sides of the chair but at least my soul is not ugly. These words I kept saying to myself in hopes of making myself feel better. It didn't. 

Recently I have been reading a book about Intermittent Fasting.  I kind of have been doing this on my own for the last few months, but alas, like normal I quit. But I have been going at it wrong. I was seeing it as a diet and not really a lifestyle. This is the first lifestyle book I have read and it really has hit home. 

I am not condoning or glorifying obesity (as it seems that if someone speaks out against fat shaming that is what they are doing.) I am condoning and glorifying being a decent human being. Everyone is fighting some type of battle. I know people that can not gain weight no matter how hard they try. They eat anything and everything they can. But no weight gain. I know people who have had surgery and gained their weight back and some that haven't gained it back. I know people that have used Weight Watchers and look amazing and did a great job. I know people who are just happy being them, no matter what their weight is. Slowly I am getting into the last group. I am not going to kill myself going on a restrictive type diet. I am going to be making a lifestyle change. I am going to try and remember that I am human and that I may stagger along the way but as long as I am happy with me, then screw what others think.  

So the girl over there in the corner looking at the models wishing that was her but thinking she is fat. Sister, I see you. You are a person. You are not defined by the number on the scale. The model you are looking at is air brushed and starving. 

To the guy over there looking at the body builder wishing it was him but thinking he is fat. Brother, I see you. You are a person. That body builder may not be as big as you think and he may even have had some help (you know what I mean.) You can set your mind to whatever you want and can reach your goals. I will cheer you on. 

****Please note: In no way am I bashing people that have done the Gastric surgery. It takes guts to go in to the hospital and have something done. Please know that I love you all and don't care what your weight is.****

Quick update: 

 Since February things have been hectic. Half of my house came down with Covid. Thankfully I was not one. My husband however, is still suffering effects of it. He has a cough that he can't get rid of now. 

I was lucky enough to have the Covid shot available through work.  Yesterday was my 2nd dose of the Pfizer shot. So far I have only experienced a sore arm (my other arm, where the lab took 9 vials of blood - normal lab work- hurts more!) My lovely husband, who thinks he is funny, states he is going to get me a sheep sticker for my Immunization card. 

I just completed my final exam for the Digital Forensic course I was taking. I received a 99%. YAY! I have decided I do not want to do digital forensics but instead I want to do Crime Scene Investigating so I have changed my course of study to that. I can't wait for my next class - Anatomy! 

Hubby and I had a staycation down in St. Pete. It was nice. No alarms to have to set. We did our own things on our own time (He did a lot of sleeping, I had less sleep than normal.)